In the country you can't...

One of my dearest friends lives in the country. Their property is amazing and their dedication to it even more so.

It isn't their first property in the country - before this one they lived in the mountains behind Cairns and it was there that I discovered why living in the country is not for me.

Like their current property, their place in Cairns was stunningly beautiful. It was lovely and quiet. Their kids could run around outside all day. They had pets and an incredibe veggie garden. Sounds perfect right?

Well actually NO!

There is no takeaway in the country!

That sounds bad, doesn't it.

I mean bad about me, rather than bad about the country.

The thing is, my family doesn't even eat a lot of takeaway but the idea that, after one of those long painful days with the kids, there is no option but to cook dinner is pretty much more than I can cope with.

When you are a Mum there isn't a lot you can do to give yourself a little rest, even if it is just for a few moments. The only thing you can do to make more time in your day is to outsource something ... and the easiest/cheapest/most immediate thing to outsource is cooking.

And that's why I can't live in the country.

Because I could never cope with the idea that, at the end of a crappy day, I have NO OPTION but to cook my family dinner.

For what it is worth I think my friend is superwoman!

Persuading kids on to the toilet - the job I can't wait to be rid of!

Parenting young children is wonderful and you should enjoy every moment ... at least according to all the older women at our local supermarket.

In my opinion parenting young children is sometimes absolutely wonderful, but clearly time dulls your memory of all the times when it isn't wonderful at all.

I think every parent has one milestone in their children's road to independence that they dream of. For my sister-in-law it was the day her two boys could put themselves in the car and do up their own seatbelts.

I personally can't wait for the day that my children going to the toilet is nothing to do with me.

I truly long for that moment every single day.

I am so sick of asking "Do you need to do a wee or a poo? ... Are you sure?'

I'm sick of having to stand guard while Wild Man (who is currently terrified of monsters) goes to the toilet.

I'm sick of changing nappies, of dealing with nappy rash, of toilet training, of cleaning the bathroom (or couch) when there has been an accident, of bribing Wild Man in order to get him to wear undies under his shorts, of specifying how much toilet paper should be used, of insisting on hands being washed and so on (and on and on and on and on ...)

At the moment I feel like I spend half my life in our bathroom and it is driving me crazy.

Princess is still in nappies and I know it is years and years until I can wash my hands (pardon the pun) of being involved in my kid's toileting but I can't wait!

What 'kid job' are you looking forward to never having to do again? 
 

Honest to goodness, PUT DOWN YOUR BLOODY PHONES!!!

I read an amazing post by Hands Free Mama this morning.

Rachel, the blogger, had received a heart-breaking email from a childcare worker talking about how much parents use their Smart Phones and the impact it has on their kids.

Frankly it was a pretty devastating story and made me SO glad that my Samsung Galaxy is complete crap and I have never been able to get it to access:
- the internet
- Facebook
- my emails
(and no, I wouldn't recommend the phone!)

Among other things the post really raised the question 'why can't everyone put their phones down for a while and focus on their kids?'

I am far from perfect at this parenting caper and am definitely guilty of sneaking off to my computer while my kids are playing (or eating dinner!). But I'm not guilty of over-enthusiastic Smart Phone offences and thank goodness because otherwise the comments from some of the kids in Rachel's post would probably have made me cry.

Parenting can be amazingly boring, frustrating and lonely, everyone who does it is incredible and some days having contact with a person who can wipe their own bottom is the only thing that keeps you sane. I'm sure it was always thus and that the parent's who have gone before us just had to go a bit further to get that contact, like down to the village well.

And I don't dispute that Smart Phones are an amazing invention - who would have thought that you could access every single piece of information in the world from something you carry in your pocket) but I honestly wish they didn't exist because you can use them EVERYWHERE and it is very hard to resist just 'a quick check'.

No one would ever set up a computer next to their bed so they can check their emails one last time, or update their Facebook status before they go to sleep, but they have no hesitation logging in with their phone and don't even see it as being rude to their partner.

And when did it become more important to post about your amazing dinner with friends, instead of enjoying your amazing dinner with friends?

Do we really need to share everything, all the time?

Are we just showing off? Or maybe we are all so insecure that we actually do enjoy our dinner more if all our friends (and people we used to work with 10 years ago) complement us on our menu choices. Surely not?

It truly drives me crazy when the people I am with can't leave their phone alone but I hadn't really thought how much more devastating it would be if I were a child and the person obsessed with their phone was my parent until this morning.

And it seems that it is pretty devastating indeed!

Are you a Smart Phone addict?

Time together with time to spare

We are friends with an amazing couple who have been together since high school. Seriously, she was 16 when they went on their first date and now they are in their mid 40s.

In a world of divorce and low boredom thresholds it is pretty impressive and I feel like we could learn a lot from them.

One of their tricks, especially while their kids were young, has been to always have two weekends away together each year.

As they describe it "One for each set of grandparents."

Some years they have been to expensive hotels, and other years they have gone to the cheapest place they could find. But they have always made that time together a priority.

We went away this weekend. Without our kids. For the first time in two years.

And it turns out we do still have things to talk about that aren't related to when the recycling needs to go out or whether Princess' nappy should have been changed an hour ago.

In fact, it felt remarkably the same as when we were dating.

We discussed current affairs.

We walk along holding hands ... minus the small boy in the middle yelling out "1 2 3!"

And without the endless touching of two small children who have no understanding at all of the term 'personal space' it was actually nice to stop and hug each other occasionally.

The only disappointing thing was that we seem to have lost the knack of sleeping in ... although perhaps 7am does count as sleeping in when you are normally up at 5.30am.

It seems obvious that time together, focusing on each other, is a really important part of staying connected as a couple but in the crazy world of a family it can be easier said than done.

Still, this weekend truly showed me having that time is worth the effort.

Do you find time for yourselves as a couple? Date night? Weekend away? Sunday brunch?

Speed?

I need something to make my body go faster.

I've been analysing what on earth is going wrong at our place and in the end I've concluded that things would be better if I could go faster.

Adding more hours in to the day is clearly impossible (because if it were possible a mother would have done it by now) but if I could just make my body go faster I might have some hope of getting everything done.

Physically faster, and without getting tired.

Like the Ever Ready Bunny!

All of which got me thinking about an old flatmate of mine. She used to go out on Saturday night, take drugs, dance all night and then spend Sunday cleaning the house to use up her excess energy before crashing out of the couch and going to bed early to be ready for Monday.

I'm not a drug user. Never have been and, to be honest, I used to worry endlessly about my friend and her insane lifestyle.

But thinking back to those days did give me pause to stop and ponder whether drugs might be the key to managing motherhood ... *

Lots of energy, a false sense of positivity and not needing to sleep could really help with getting 749 loads of washing done in the next few days.

And I might finally have enough energy to keep up with my kids.

Of course drugs are illegal and I might end up in goal ... but if you catch me at the wrong moment even six months minimum security sounds awfully like a chance to have a rest!

Do you ever feel like you are on one of those little mouse wheels but you can't run fast enough?

*Please don't take this seriously. I don't mean to trivialise drug problems and definitely not to encourage their use. Drugs are terrible and destroy lives and should definitely be avoided.

I've had quite a day!

My current favourite quote from our repertoire of kid's books is from Dr Seuss' Sleep Book and it goes like this:

"And people are gradually starting to say,
I feel rather drowsy. I've had quite a day."

Well, it has definitely been quite a few days here, and I would love to go to bed.

It all started two and a half weeks ago when Princess needed to go to hospital for 4 days.

Then Spunk Rat went interstate for work.

Then I organised a Fun Day at Wild Man's preschool. Very successful and satisfying but exhausting.

Then I took both my kids to emergency at the same time.

Then I was my lovely sister-in-law's birth partner when my little bro didn't make it back from his work overseas in time! (amazing, this one deserves a whole blog post!)

Then it turns out Princess needs more tests. She's OK but its all a bit stressful and I've frankly had enough of trying to get a one and a half year old girl to pee in a jar.

And then I took Wild Man to an E, N&T specialist and he needs grommets and his adenoids out.

It is all happening at our house! It is times like this you definitely need a village to help.

Who has your back?

I know there is that saying that it takes a village to bring up a child but this morning I was thinking about how many people it takes to support a Mum.

Being the Mum of small kids is harder than I ever imagined and, to be completely honest, if it wasn't for the people around me I just can't imagine how I would cope. 

The pressure on your relationship, the tiredness, the sickness, the mess, cooking endless dinners, the tantrums, the guilt and millions of choices ... it can all be very overwhelming and being at home with your kids can feel a lot like being locked in a pressure cooker with two hyper monkeys who are determined to break you!

So how do you cope, let alone enjoy it?

I think the secret is to share the load. (This shouldn't be confused with palming off the responsibility for your kids.) 

I'm really lucky, I have a wonderful extended family, a brilliant husband and the best friends in the whole world. And I rely on all of them to get me though in very different ways.

Being able to let off steam, having someone to babysit occasionally or having someone turn up unannounced at 4.30pm, holding a casserole and say 'I've brought you dinner, can't stay the kids are in the car', can make all the difference.  

I love the old saying 'A problem shared is a problem halved' and it is never more true than when you have kids. It is like dropping a rock into a pond ... the ripples get smaller and smaller the further away from the rock they get.

But it does occur to me that different people help you in different ways, so here is the run down of how it works in my world ... is it the same for you?

Grandmas are for babysitting, and realistic support and advice about parenting and marriage. They also love your kids unconditionally which is amazing when you need to vent, and they tend to be able to see the big picture!

Husbands/partners are for hugs and physical comfort, companionship, making you feel attractive (mostly) and enjoying your kids together (sometimes, sometimes it feels more like you have a common enemy!). They're your family.

Friends are for sharing the unvarnished truth, non-competitive comparisons of where your kids are up to,  and dinners in times of need. They have your back.

And if all else fails I can refer back to my awesome friend Louise's favourite saying: "This too shall pass." 

To which I normally respond: "I bloody well hope so!"

So, how does your support network work? Could you cope without them?