Why do you care what other women on the Internet think?

I'm in an amazing Facebook group for Mums. It is awesome - full of advice, recipes, recommendations of good local tradies, support and a huge variety of opinions.

I find it fascinating in an anthropological kind of way - so many different lives and choices. And I find it really heartening to see so much love and hope for our children.

So it is all good... at least until someone mentions private schools or circumcision, and then hold on to your hats ladies because the proverbial is about to hit the fan.

Of course, private schools and circumcision aren't the only two controversial topics but they seem to be the ones that cause the most gnashing of teeth  and disagreements that can last for days (until Admin decides it is all getting too nasty and deletes the post).

The thing that AMAZES me is why everyone cares so much what other people are saying. 

If you have made an educated and thoughtful decision about what is best for your children why do you care AT ALL what other people 1) have decided for their family and 2) think about your decision?

In amongst the millions of choices we make for our kids, my husband and I have made choices about private schools and circumcision. I am confident that we have made the right choices for our family and nothing anyone says (particularly people on the Internet who I don't actually know) will convince me otherwise. 

If someone asks for information about why people have made a certain choice (and I have five minutes to spare) I'm happy to provide some insight in to the reasons for our decisions. Others can do the same. They might agree or disagree - I don't really care*.

*except when it comes to deciding not to immunise you kids in which case I think you are a complete idiot and a danger to my children!

Do you get upset when people on the Internet disagree with choices you have made?

Photo courtesy of Free Digital Images - thanks guys!

Leave my children alone!

There have been a few times lately where other parents have felt entitled to tell my children off for doing something that I thought was fine.

It drives me crazy and I am teetering on the edge of an explosion, so if you are one of the Mums that thinks it is OK to discipline a stranger's children BE WARNED!

Last week we were at the park with friends. Our three boys were playing happily (for once) in a bushy corner of the park, next to a path. As part of their game they had put a few handfuls of dirt on the path. Another Mum took it upon herself to go over, stop the boy's game and tell them off for putting dirt on the path because it was messy and someone might trip over.

I was so cross.

The boys weren't doing anything wrong and we, their mothers, were watching them. They were having a great game, that impacted on no one else, in a bushland park and I can't imagine what made that woman think it was OK for her to go and intervene.

If her children had been playing the same game and she didn't think it was appropriate then fine, go and stop them. Or if her kids were being affected by the game that our boys were playing then say something, but they weren't.

A couple of weeks earlier, a different Mum at a different park, told Wild Man and a friend off for having sticks. She ignored the fact that I was standing right next to both of them, the sticks were about 6cm long and they weren't doing anything naughty with them.

In fact they were using them to dig for dinosaur bones under the slippery dip - surely a game to be encouraged!

There was a brilliant moment when Wild Man turned around and politely told her that they couldn't put the sticks down because they were being palaeontologists but overall the whole thing was irritating and made me really upset on Wild Man's behalf. The impact of what Wild Man was doing on this woman and her children was absolutely zero so why was she saying anything?

Obviously kids do sometimes do naughty or dangerous things at the park and I have often been very grateful to another parent who has stopped Wild Man from doing something crazy, but that's only OK if what he is doing is so obviously dangerous that the rules are the same for every child in the world.

For everything else, everything that is subjective, strangers do not get to set the rules for my children.

You don't have to like my rules and you can criticise my parenting as much as you like but unless my child is in some way endangering you or your child then their behaviour is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Do you find other parents to be really bossy towards your children? And do you say anything to them?

Motherhood: It doesn't have to be a sisterhood but can't we at least be civil?

Yesterday I read an article on Essential Baby called 'It's Motherhood, Not a Sisterhood'.

In it the writer, Victoria Birch, bascially argued that it is OK, in fact it is good, for Mums to get online and have a go at other mother's parenting choices.

The article really got me thinking.

Victoria took the furore over the Time magazine breast-feeing cover as her example and argued that "The reason it descended into verbal fisticuffs is because mums are passionate human beings who give a sh*t about something."

What made me pause and think is that I both violently agree and violently disagree with her.

Yes, parents should stand up for what we believe in and new parenting ideas should be discussed and even debated.

But I wholeheartedly disagree that 'verbal fisticuffs' need to be part of that discussion.

Mothers don't need to join hands, flop out our saggy boobs and sit around the fire singing Kumbaya together but why can't we at least admire other mothers for their committment to doing what they consider best for their children? 

Only Mums know the absolute frustration and total love of motherhood - surely we can at least respect that common experience and assume that everyone is doing their best.

There isn't a right or a wrong in parenthood, so no one is ever going to win the debate, and while I agree that Mum's should stand up for what they believe I think it is really awful that we can't be more constructive and kind about how we express that.

And there is NO WAY I would let my children behave the way some people do online, and I bet that most of those people wouldn't speak that way if they were having the discussion in person.

Anonimity is a pretty safe seat to express your opinion from.

Park Politics - Sticks

All mothers know that there are no politics like park politics. Seriously, it makes the rough and tumble of the NSW Parliment's Bear Pit look like child's play (pardon the pun).

This morning's park politics was all about sticks and whether or not kids should play with them.

As far as I am concerned it is totally normal for kids, and particularly boys, to want to play with sticks and as long as you teach them to be considerate of others and play safely there is no problem. But everyone has different parenting opinions about these things and each to their own, I say.

But whatever your opinion is please don't make decisions about my children and sticks for me, except if there is a direct risk to your child in which case you should feel free to ask Wild Man to put the stick down (but you'll probably find that I am running towards the situation anyway).  If you feel that strongly about sticks at the park you should 1) prevent your own kids from playing with them and/or 2) consider going to a park that has flat green grass nd few trees, rather than one with bush. 

So clearly I do let Wild Man play with sticks at the park but there are definitely rules:
- I limit how big they are
- He has to be away from other kids and crowded areas
- Sticks and slippery dips don't mix
- You don't use the word 'kill' towards another person
- No sword fights at the park
- No sticks near people's faces. 

But, as long as they stick to the rules, I just can't see what the problem is with five small boys roaming around the local park hunting a Stegasorus with sticks. It seems like a normal thing for them to want to do, kids have played with sticks for generations and, in fact, I think it is great for their imaginations.

Kids need to be able to play rough, exciting and adventurous games. They need to sometimes take risks and I don't see how we can criticise our 14-year-olds for endlessly playing computer games if we didn't let them roam (relatively) free outside as children.

Seriously, would you rather see a child holding a stick or a mouse?